


i have been falling for five hours and fifty-seven minutes (for you)

by protemani



Category: A Rendezvous With Destiny (Podcast)
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Developing Relationship, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Crack, Loki being Loki, M/M, No beta we die like Flora's dignity every time she finds Fred hot, Poor Manisson, Thor Franchise, Thor: The Dark World, mild sexual humour
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-14 08:54:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29539893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/protemani/pseuds/protemani
Summary: Thor (among, well, not other, butsomepeople) gets too invested in others' love lives for their own good, Loki is fond of creative solutions but (allegedly) not of their consequences, and Manisson swears off mead (for a while, at least).Or, Manisson is a bittoosure Loki has seen the Marvel movies in canon for events not to have transpired.
Relationships: Loki/Theodore Manisson
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

In hindsight, Theo wouldn’t have even been surprised all of this was happening if Loki hadn’t manifested in the middle of one of his lectures. 

As it turned out, there were few things more distracting than a fairly attractive trickster god floating while sitting cross-legged above a student’s head. Could have been the shock from turning around after casually drawing out a map of the early Middle Age Scandinavian Peninsula. Could’ve been that early Middle Age Nordic history tended to breed a rather lethargic atmosphere in the room, meaning that the sheer chaos emanating from a being such as Loki was, to the human mind, what a douse of cold water in the face was to somebody who’d gotten hammered the previous night.

Could’ve been that Theo was simply horny.

“Professor? Are you okay?” a student – Cynthia, one of the regulars – asked him. She was sitting next to the boy above whose head Loki was floating. Manisson managed to snap his eyes away from them and to her for enough time to mutter a doubtlessly weak but polite excuse along the lines of ‘rotten banana in my breakfast’.

When he looked back at Loki, the god was smirking.

“A-Anyway,” Theo pivoted on his feet, trying to remember where he’d left off with the lecture. “As I was saying–”

–and then he wasn’t, because a sudden ringing sound loudly interrupted him.

“Fire alarm!” somebody shouted. 

In less than a minute, everybody had cleared out of the room with a speed only a bunch of undergraduates smelling freedom from lectures for the rest of the day possessed. Theo didn’t even attempt to try and organise them in any fashion: one look at the god that had meanwhile floated to a standing position in front of the desk told him everything he needed to know.

“Such a fascinating subject, history,” Loki drawled, that damned smirk1 still on their face.

Theo was already tired. “What do you want?”

Loki’s back tensed, but their face didn’t drop the slightest degree in mockery. Really, Theo didn’t know why they insisted on it; it’s not like he possessed much dignity to _be_ mocked.

“I have come with a proposition that, if you accept it and we execute it, will be to our utmost mutual benefit,” they started, picking up a rubber eraser from the desk and twiddling it between their fingers. “I believe that the, ah, circumstances that necessitate it have already made themselves known to you, or so I am told.”

Theo had to blink once at their unnecessarily complicated choice of words, a second time to load his brain, and a third to finally decipher the meaning of their rather oblique remarks. 

“Ah, you mean that Thor’s been bugging you about… recent events as well?”

For a split second Theo thought that he saw Loki’s neck turn slightly red, and that, more than anything else, threw him. 

“I have been receiving at least eleven texts about it per day for the past week from him,” Theo added, fishing out his phone to see if number four for the day had arrived. It had. “I have no idea how he, ah, obtained such a device in Asgard, but somebody really ought to take it away from him. For everybody’s good.” _Okay, brain, good, normal human speech,_ **_good_** _._

“Indeed,” Loki replied, raising their eyes to his.

Theo held out a total of thirty seconds under their gaze before reaching to pull out his water bottle from his bag and chug it straight down. Loki coughed.

“Right,” Theo said after he’d finished drinking. “Proposal.”

“Yes. Proposal. So. We try… _dating,_ as you mortals call it,” Theo nearly choked on his spit at that, “allegedly, so that we can get Thor off of our backs. He’s bound to stop bothering us about trying to form a relationship if we can prove to him we have.”

“Prove?” The note that Theo’s voice hit with that word was, he supposed, likely one nobody in the musical theatre society of the university could.

Loki sighed, finally dragging their eyes up to his again. Their expression looked about as annoyed as Theo felt tired. 

“Yes,” Loki said, putting the eraser down on the desk again. “I believe it would be easiest if we did something classic, like… a movie and dinner, perhaps?”

Theo blinked at them for what must have been a solid ten seconds before lifting his hand and lightly knocking on one of their temples.

Okay, if they hadn’t been before, Loki was definitely blushing _now,_ and if they’d been annoyed before–

“What,” they choked, somehow fitting the weight of fifty _the fuck_ s within one word, but Theo was still too dazed to feel scared, or indeed – think coherently _at all._

“Sorry, I was just trying to make sure this isn’t a dream,” he muttered, then slapped himself on the cheek, trying to bring some life back into his soul. It only worked at about 8% recharge. “Right. Yes, plan is good, and yes, movie and dinner is a classic. Um, did you have any one particular movie in mind?”

Loki eyed him disbelievingly and then shook their head. “No, I do not keep up with such matters. Do _you_ have any ideas?” The accusation in their tone was palpable, and _especially_ rich given who had been the one to shove all of that mead in his hands and get them both drunk enough to–

– _do_ **_not_ ** _go there,_ some part of Manisson that still possessed common sense thought, _or else._

 _Or what,_ Theo thought, surprising himself at his insolence _at himself,_ **_not like he could get rid of me or anything, he’s not–_ **

–an idea entered his mind then, quick and simple and – _well, that might actually be enough to get me killed, but on the other hand..._

“Well,” he said out loud, licking his lips. “The first movie that comes to mind is… ah, I do not know if you would find it offensive or funny?”

Loki’s disbelief turned into slight wariness. “Oh? And what movie would that be?”

Theo sighed internally and resigned himself to the inevitable entropy of the universe.

(He was never, _ever_ getting drunk at an Asgardian party again.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 Is this a reference to the _13 Reasons Why_ meme? It might be, but you have no proof. Back
> 
> Does a work deserve to be a first work in a fandom tag if it _doesn't _have a fake/pretend relationship? I think not. Congratulations, RWD team, you deserve it.__


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am the one setting the bar here and I will keep it as low as I like.

At one point during the first two minutes of the film, Manisson took out his phone and opened up the recording app to immortalise Loki’s commentary. Their voice was attuned to a specific frequency of snideness so strong it could cut through any max-volume of Chris Hemsworth screaming or Thor smashing stuff with his hammer or crashing into things:

“Who is this woman and why is she slapping everyone? Oh, never mind, understandable–”

“Thor wouldn’t have gone for anybody so... _slender…_ though–”

“Why is Valkyrie’s armour like that–”

“Who _the fuck_ is that white elf guy and what amateur _Dungeons and Dragons_ campaign did he crawl out of–”

“Wait, you mean to tell me my, ah, _counterpart_ didn’t know that Odin isn’t our father? What is this, a soap opera?”

“Honestly, my plan here seems to be so multi-layered even _I_ can’t understand what my end-game is.”

“I think Thor would take offense to Mjolnir being so puny.”

“Oh, so it _is_ a soap opera–”

(Strangely, the _last_ thing Theo had questions about was the fact that Loki knew what DnD was. He wasn’t sure he wanted to open that can of worms.

All things considered, though, their critique of the film had been rather mild. If Theo had to hazard a guess, it was probably because they weren’t expecting much anyway; it might, however, just as well had been because the couple in front of them had turned around several times and shushed and gone _now what kind of a date–,_ earning themselves the response of a cheeky smile and earning _Theo_ a ‘fond’ pat on the cheek.

…Loki’s love language being condescension would be entirely on brand, though, now that he thought about it–)

“Well,” the god said after they’d sat down and ordered dinner, reaching for a breadstick. “ _Thor:The Dark World_ , eh? And you say there is one more of these?”

Theo swallowed. He didn’t like how their eyes _still_ somehow managed to glint mischievously, like an _Adobe After Effects_ animation, while looking down at the breadstick they were methodically disassembling with their hands. “ Yes, indeed, there is a prequel already out and, to my knowledge, a sequel in production.”

“Oh? Well, this explains why I couldn’t understand why most of these fools had ‘beef’, as you say, with each other, then,” Loki said, laying the breadstick down and shooting a winning smile at the waitress that came to set their dishes. 

She blushed and hastened to arrange the plates. “Is there anything else I can get you?” Her eyes seemed to allude to something in the range of _number_ and _my weekend._

Loki looked her up and down for a second, then looked at Theo, muttering disappointedly: “No, unfortunately, that would be all.”

The waitress’ eyes bulged for a second, then she turned around to beat a hasty retreat, taking care to throw Theo a sideways glance that, in his understanding of American vernacular, probably meant something like _why are you hounding this hottie, omg the poor baby???_

For some reason, that miffed him a bit.

“There is no need to put up this act for other people, I believe,” he said, turning to look at Loki again, who was cutting away at their steak. “We’ve sent Thor plenty of pictures already. I’m sure that girl would be happy for you to go over and apologise and–”

Loki shook their head, stopping Theo in his tracks. “Oh, no,” they said, putting their cutlery down and resting their chin on their hands, looking at Manisson again. “We must guard against all potential for rumours that would discredit our ruse, at least for a while. And besides – I didn’t turn her down because of _that_. I turned her down because she wouldn’t survive five minutes in my presence.”

Theo opened his mouth to protest, and then shut it immediately. He looked around, finding the waitress apologising to a customer on another table. Ostensible reason: she’d _misspelled_ his order in her notepad. Hadn’t confused the order, no, but had only noticed the missed ‘r’ after serving the table, and it seemed to be causing her a lot of distress.

Theo sighed. “Yes, okay, you’re right.”

“Thank you. I am a merciful god, you see,” Loki replied. 

Theo turned to look at them leaning on their right elbow, smiling magnanimously. He then decided that it was time for his allotted five-second-per-week slot of Having A Spine and raised _one_ eyebrow.

Loki’s smile dropped in surprise. Theo blinked. _Holy shit, that actually worked?_

“Anyway,” the god said, brushing off some vaguely-existent-so-probably-conjured-up-by-illusion-magic crumbs off of their shirt, “this has been a…good first date, but I reckon it will not be sufficient. We will need to do more of these to be sure to rid our backs of Thor and whoever else he may be gossiping with.”

Theo didn’t like where this was headed. (Or rather, he _did,_ and that was _precisely_ the problem). “A-Alright?”

“There is another film in this series, you said? And more in the, ah, _superhero_ genre, I presume,” Loki raised a breadstick in front of their face and stared at it with the same innocence and nonchalance Judas must have had at the Last Supper. “We could do that, what is it called…‘Netflix and Chill’? With the rest of them.”

Manisson’s brain crashed.

“Theodore, do eat,” they said, gesturing to his untouched plate with the breadstick. “You look like you’re about to pass out.”

Theo shoved a handful of pasta into his mouth, if only to stifle saying either:

_1\. You saying my name does weird things to me._

2\. I don’t think that would **help.**

(...No, actually, although mead had been the original problem, maybe _more mead_ was the only solution left.)


End file.
